WHERE IS MY REVENGE
by LnBen
Summary: This is a "what if" story, based on the characters in the Stephanie Plum Series.  What if Steph finely made a decision and that future was ripped from her? How would she cope. Could she be strong enough to exact her revenge?


**WHERE IS MY REVENGE**

**CHAPTER 1**

It had been another long typical day. I got back early to shower and remove the chocolate sauce and Fiesta-colored sprinkles from my hair. Morrelli would be home soon and I didn't want to re-hash today's fiasco. Besides tonight would be our first night in almost a week that one of us weren't on call for one thing or another. I was looking forward to sex and pasta in some order.

As I was filling the spaghetti pot with water, I saw through the window Ranger's black Porche whip into the back lot where the garage used to be. He leapt out of the car, leaving the door open and was running towards the back door. At the same time there was a knock at the front door. I gave it a quick thought and figured if there was trouble at the front Ranger would be here soon enough. I opened the door carefully and gave a sigh of relief. It was Castanza and Big Dog.

"High guys! Come on in. Morrelli's not here yet. I expect him soon."

They had serious expressions on their faces. Castanza reached out and held my arm. He said something and the world exploded.

I remember pieces of what he said. "Drive-by" "Crossfire" "Died instantly" "No pain". I couldn't put them all together because of all the screaming. Someone was screaming "NO" over and over and drowning out his words.

It was me. If I screamed loud enough, God would hear me and realize that he had made a horrible mistake. He would make it right and life would good.

But the words wouldn't stop.

"We didn't want you to hear from strangers."

I went down on my knees; tears falling so hard that they hit the floor with a splash. "No, no, no, no" now just a murmur, a mantra to keep my hart from leaping from my body and falling with the tears.

Ranger was there, talking with Castanza in low tones. Castanza nodded, looked at me, said something to Big Dog and they left.

Ranger sat down on the floor behind me and straddled me with his legs. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him. I was rocking back and forth still praying my mantra when Tank came in. He reached in his pocket and came out with something small and shinny. Ranger turned my head to the side, I felt a prick in my neck and suddenly I was warm all over and very, very sleepy.

I woke up in my own bed. Thank God! What a horrible nightmare! I sat up, looked down and realized I had on a T shirt and panties. Not my normal night time apparel. I looked at the clock and the time was all wrong. 3 AM. There was light coming from the kitchen and I smelled coffee.

Ranger was sitting at the table talking on his phone. He hung up as soon as he saw me.

"Oh my God! It was real!" I started to shake.

"Babe" he said softly as he took me in his arms and walked me to a chair.

There were no more tears left in me. I was numb in body and mind. I sat quietly while he poured some coffee in a mug, added milk and gave it to me.

"What happened? I need to know." I didn't want to hear the answer. I didn't want that pain to start again. I really needed to know.

He looked at me for long minute. "Morelli was with a task force taking down the shooter from the Morgan St. gang killing. Everything was wrapping up and he was escorting one of the suspects out of the building. There was a drive-by with AK's. Both Morrelli and the suspect were hit. They died instantly. I don't think he ever knew what hit him."

We sat in silence for what seemed like forever. Tears were quietly running down my cheeks. No sobbing… Just tears.

"We heard it go down at RangeMan. I have men on the street now looking for the car. Trenton cops are all over the place. This guy isn't going to get away"

"Well that won't bring Morelli back. Will it?" I shouted back.

"No Babe, it won't. Nothing can do that. I wish it could"

**CHAPTER 2**

It was six months since the funeral. I had placed my cupcake and beer on Morelli's marker. The visits were getting easier, less painful; but they always left me empty and wanting.

I had left the truck on the side road and was walking back to it when I noticed a line of cars and a hearse pulling in. There was a military casket covered with a flag in the back. I had heard that one of our local men, career military, was killed in action in Iraq. That must be his funeral. Then I noticed the black Turbo and two black SUV's in the procession line. There's only one black Turbo that I know of in the Berg…Ranger's. I couldn't help myself. I'm just too nosy for my own good. I had to wander over.

Now this shows just how strong my curiosity is. I _hate_ funerals! I cry at stranger's funerals. Only strong medication kept me upright for Joe's. This was a full military ceremony. Complete with bugle and gun salute. This was going to bring back every wrenching memory of Morelli. But I had to find out why Ranger was there. He absolutely never goes to funerals as a participant. He'll show up for investigative reasons. I've seen him at viewings many times. I've never seen him in an actual funeral.

I climbed the little hill at the cemetery's west side, and used a tree as covert cover. Look at me! I'm spying on a dead man. _God,__I__'__m __pitiful_.

Eight men in uniform were carrying the casket to the grave site. They were army. All were wearing berets. Three of the berets were tan. That's when I recognized Ranger! Tank was behind him. I didn't recognize the third tan beret guy. _Why __was __he__ in__ uniform?__ Why__ was __he__ helping __to __bury__ this __soldier? __Why __did__ I__ care?_

I couldn't stay for the rest of the service. Some things are just too raw and painful. I waited in my truck for the cars to file out. The Turbo and SUV's headed west, back to RangeMan I figured. But the other cars headed two blocks over and parked at Dylan's Pub. I suddenly felt very thirsty for a beer.

There were a few women in the bar. A couple of them looked like daytime regulars. Three women, dressed in black were at a table in the back. One was holding the folded flag from the casket. She must be his wife or sister; too young to be his mother. There were men, in and out of uniform, milling around and surprisingly laughing. As I walked up to order, I could hear them telling stories about the dead guy. You could tell he had their respect and must have known how to have a good time as well.

I picked a spot at the bar next to two of the Green Beret men. One looked to be in his mid forties, the other mid thirties and both had obviously partaken of large quantities of alcohol earlier.

"Yes, sir, that's how I want to go. Killed in action is a hell of a lot better than croaking in some veteran's home" the older of the two said.

"Yah, but it sure is messy" replied the other.

"Been a long time since I saw Manoso and his crew. I figured they'd all be dead by now."

"Or in prison." They both laughed and toasted to their dead friend.

_Manoso._They were talking about Ranger. Well, Stephanie, it's time to but in.

The younger soldier had wandered off to join another group. I put on my best concerned look and spoke to Fuller. That was the name on his uniform.

"Sorry about your friend. Were you in the same unit?"

"He was my C.O… Captain James McGrath, US Army Special Forces." He toasted the air with what was left of his beer.

I motioned to the bar tender to fill him up again. "Did you know him long?"

"We served together since Desert Storm. Captain stayed active…career soldier. I got out after two tours, went reserve like most of the others. He was one of the best. He demanded 100% from us and he gave 150%. Hell, our guys were in Iraq weeks before the rest even landed. Spooks from our unit called in the first strikes."

"Spooks?"

"Yeh, Special Ops. They sneak in weeks in advance and give us the tactical info for first strikes."

The bar area was getting crowded so we moved to a nearby table. "Is that why your beret is a different color? Your have different jobs?"

"Sweet thing being Special Forces isn't a job it is an honor. Just as it was an honor to serve under Capt. McGrath. We sure kicked ass." He toasted the air again.

"I heard you mention a soldier named Manoso. There is a Carlos Manoso that has a security company here in Trenton. Is that the same guy?"

"Carlos. Carlos. Don't sound familiar. The Menoso at the funeral was Lieutenant Rico Manoso. He and four of his men were assigned to our unit as Deep Re-con and Intelligence. Didn't have much contact with them myself. Scary bunch. Don't think the Lieut. would be involved in something as simple as security. Rumor had it that they went to some God-forsaken country in Central America as mercs. You could have knocked me over when I saw him and his two shadows this morning. Probably Brenda, Captain's wife, contacted him. Manoso and Capt. McGrath were pretty tight. Covered each others' asses a lot. Guess they were the only two who knew where all the bodies were buried."

Fuller was so full of scotch that he was slurring his words the way comedians do when they imitate drunks.

"Yes, sir. That sure enough was Lieutenant Manoso. The Lone Ranger, that's what we called him. He was assigned to our unit. But he was one of those Black Ops. You know; the ultimate spooks. He would disappear for weeks and come back bloody with his info or prisoner, whatever he was sent out for. He and his whole team were freaks. Interrogation, information and assassination were their specialties. Who in their right mind would want to spend hours buried in the sand with critters crawling all over you just so you could sneak out at night and slice some poor bastard's throat?"

There was an ugly lump starting in _my _throat. I took a gulp of beer to kill it.

"Rumor has it they were high quality marksmen, if you know what I mean." Fuller continued. "Jungle, sand, hell; they might have been sent to spy on Santa Clause for all I know. They stayed to themselves and answered only to McGrath in private de-briefs. We did all the grunt work and those boys left heavy with medals. Just aint fair, no sir, not at all. Shit, I mean shoot, miss. All this memorializing and remembering is bringing back some real miserable times. Let's talk about you, sweet cakes. Can I get you another?"

"No thanks I've got to run. I'm on lunch break. Take care of yourself. And thanks for your service."

He toasted me this time. I guess the air had its quota.

I was hyperventilating by the time I reached my truck. Ranger's full name is Ricardo Carlos Menoso. 'Rico' is street for Ricardo. Is that why Ranger doesn't use it any more?

I drove back to the apartment grinning from ear to ear. I had broken into Batman's deep dark past. Then reality raised its ugly head. I had the information but what could I do with it? Fuller had raised more questions than answers. Ranger and I weren't as close as before. I couldn't see myself popping in at RangeMan and starting a conversation with…"So, where are the bodies buried?"

I decided to tuck all this new-found information deep in my little brain and let sleeping dogs lie. For a while.

**CHAPTER 3**

The ringing of the phone brought me out of my stupor. I'd fallen asleep on the couch again. The late show was on the TV. It was at least 11:30. Never a good sign when the phone rings at that time of the night.

It was Ranger. No one has seen or heard from him in almost a month. No returned calls. No returned pages. Connie said that the last time she tried to contact him at RangeMan, Tank told her he was "off line". This could mean he was out of cell range, out of town or on the moon. To us, for whatever reason he has been unreachable.

"Well, look who has returned to earth!" I said rather sarcastically.

"Tank will be there in 15 minutes to pick you up". Then he hung up. I almost hadn't recognized his voice. It was hard and raspy.

"Well who does he think he is? Ordering me around like one of his merry men! If he thinks that I going to jump just because he says so, he's got another 'think' coming." I said all of this to no one in particular as I turned off the TV and put on a clean t-shirt.

I checked my hair and grabbed my coat just as Tank knocked on the door.

"What's going on?"

"Ranger needs to see you" Tank said stoically.

"Duh" was my witty reply as we got on the elevator.

Not another word came out of his mouth for the entire drive to RangeMan.

I was going to attempt twenty-questions, but I knew it would be useless. Ranger had made himself scarce after the funeral. He gave me the space and time I needed to take care of the material, as well as emotional loose ends. I guess he didn't want people giving me a hard time. Eddie Gazarra, Carl Costanza and Big Dog would drop by the apartment whenever they were in the neighborhood. I knew I was still under his protective shield. He had given me a key to RangeMan again, just in case I needed it. On a couple of occasions I saw the standard black SUV in my rear-view mirror while I was picking up some challenging FTA. But none of the old physical contact or sexual teasing was there on the times we were in the bonds office together. I was still "Babe", but it seemed distant.

I wondered if all the attraction had been on my part. Maybe the whole thing had been some sort of challenge to Ranger. Now that Morelli was gone there was no more game to play, and he moved on to other prey. I went through the whole gauntlet of emotions: anger, emptiness, loneliness, fear and abandonment in the 10 minutes it took us to get to the offices.

We pulled into the garage and I dutifully followed Tank to the elevator; thoroughly expecting to be taken to Ranger's apartment on the 7th floor. Instead, when we got in the elevator, Tank slid his key fob over a small panel on the display and we headed down.

I knew there was a basement to RangeMan. I had been down there when I was working undercover on an internal investigation for Ranger over a year ago. But it felt like we were going below that.

The door opened up on to a small hallway, dimly lit. I could see two heavy steel doors in front of me. We entered the door to the left. The room was small and dark except for one overhead light bulb in one of those industrial cages. As my eye adjusted to the lack of light I could make out that we were not alone. There was someone standing about 6 feet from me. From his stance and silhouette I knew it was Ranger. He stood motionless, not saying a word.

Tank turned on another light, and I could see that there was someone else in the room. He was kneeling in front of Ranger; his hands behind his back. He was a mess. The right side of his face was swollen and distorted. I couldn't tell if his right eye was missing or swollen shut. He was bleeding from his lip and there were dark spots that looked like dried blood on what was left of his shirt.

Ranger can be a pretty scary guy. There were times, though we were friends, I knew not to push him any farther. I wasn't ready for the Ranger I saw in front of me. He looked hard and cold and deadly. It looked like he had not slept in a while. There was a couple of day's growth of beard and deep circles under his eyes. He was dressed in Army camo's that looked abused and used. His eyes were steel and his lips drawn tight. He was holding the man in front by the back of his hair. He tipped the guys head up to force him to look right at me.

"Victor Angel Colon" Ranger said through clenched teeth. His dark eyes were cold and angry.

I gasped. My stomach felt like I just swallowed a bucket of ice. My head and heart, however, were on fire. I instinctively slapped Colon across his face with my right hand as hard as I could. He yelped in pain and tried to turn away. Ranger held him firm.

"Why? Why?" I screamed at Colon. There had been a wide manhunt after the shooting. A couple of accomplice arrests had turned up info that the shooter was from Columbia and had returned there after the hit. The Feds connected him to the Vega Cartel and had a name… Victor Colon. No trace had been found. Word was that he had returned to Columbia. No government agency had the manpower or authority to go there to find him. In those jungles you could loose a whole army and never find them.

Colon looked at me with pure contempt. "We couldn't let Ortega go to jail. He was weak. He would talk. He needed to be dead." He could barely speak. His voice was strained from the awkward position his body was in and, I imagine, the pain.

"But why kill Morelli?" I screamed back.

"The dumb cop just got in the way. It was a bonus" He smiled so proudly at his good luck.

I raised my fist to beat him to death and Tank stopped it in mid-air. He placed a 38 revolver in it and stood back. Just like a mother cat, Ranger had brought me a wounded mouse to kill. Suddenly I realized I could revenge Morelli. I could do what I had dreamed about for so many lonely empty nights. I took the gun and pushed the barrel right to the center of that ass holes' forehead. I could feel my teeth clench as I went to pull the trigger. Somehow the message wasn't getting to my finger. I kept trying to make the finger pull the trigger and it was frozen in place. I took my left hand and placed that index finger over the right. Two fingers, I can pull the trigger and kill this bastard. But they wouldn't cooperate. My arms started to shake and tears of frustration welled up. All the while, Colon was looking at me smiling. He knew I couldn't kill him. He felt his life had been spared….He was so wrong.

Ranger gave Tank a silent signal and Tank took the gun from me. He gently led me to the door and we walked out. We got back on the elevator in silence. I felt like I had let Morelli down. He would have avenged me. He would have walked into hell for me. I couldn't pull a tiny little trigger for him. Silent tears leaked out of my eyes. "Please forgive me" I said silently to him. I my mind I could see him smile.

"That's OK, Cupcake. Let it go. It's time to move on" I swear I heard him, clear as a bell. I looked around the elevator with expectations of ghosts or spirits or something. But there were only Tank and me.

After a security check of my apartment, Tank finely spoke. "Don't worry. It will all be taken care of." And he left.

I grabbed a beer and headed for the couch. I was trying to put together what just happened. Light bulb in the brain! I suddenly understood. _This _is Ranger's deep dark secret! When Abruzzi wound up dead, I knew Ranger had killed him. Suicide, not hardly. He would have killed Stiva too, if I hadn't mashed him in his car. Morelli knew that the suicide was questionable, but it got Abruzzi out of the picture when legal means couldn't.

I ran through the conversation I had with Fuller the day of the Green Beret's funeral. "Black Ops." That's the phrase he had used. The messy jobs, the dangerous jobs, deadly jobs no one else could or would do.

The system used Ranger to get rid of the human garbage. No stink on them. Problem solved. Ranger is labeled a 'loose cannon', nobody thinks twice. He once told me that someone has to 'take down the real bad ones', and he was very good at it. He has a very strict moral code. It's just slightly skewed from the norm. Those trips out of the country weren't all FTA's. I bet some of them were FTL – Failure to Live.

How much of himself did he loose with each job? Is that why he was so controlled when others were loosing it? Why I never saw him really loose his temper? Was he afraid that if he lost it, he would loose what was left of himself too? He lives so lavishly at RangeMan; I guess this helps him forget the real ugliness he has seen so much of.

He once told me that he's knee deep in garbage most of the time and enjoyed it when I made him laugh. I never realized how important those laughs must have been to him. I remember resenting that I was the entertainment line item on his RangeMan budget. I haven't made him laugh in the last year. In fact, I've been avoiding him as best as I could for a while now. Some friend I've been.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I wasn't crying for me. I was crying for Ranger. I guess he forgot how.

**CHAPTER 4**

Two weeks later, Gazarra stopped by with doughnuts for breakfast.

"Did you hear the news? Colon's body washed up under the East St. docks. Night watchman at the warehouse found him."

I froze in mid doughnut. I just stared a Gazarra to see if he suspected anything. Hard to tell with Trenton cops, they're the reverse of jelly donuts: soft and friendly on the outside and hard and crusty on the inside. I was trying to read Eddie's face. Was this just his typical loose-lipped gossip or was he fishing for more?

"Homicide boys are sure it was a retaliation thing for Ortega. His body was busted up and he was wearing a Colombian Necktie."

A Colombian Necktie was a gruesome name for a punishment doled out to those who ratted on the cartel. A man's throat was cut from ear to ear and his tongue was pulled through the opening and hung down his neck like a tie. Sometimes he was killed and the corpse donned the tie. Other times they were alive during the surgery and bled to death. Either way it's not a pleasant way to go.

"Couldn't happen to a better asshole. Hope Morelli is smiling up there. Sorry. Didn't mean to bring up his name." Gazarra grimaced.

"That's OK, Eddie; I bring up his name a lot." I smiled back. The ice was back in the pit of my stomach. Ranger had finished the job that I couldn't.

"Yeh, I miss him too. I figured after he and Ranger had that agreement and the two of you finely settled down that things would be almost normal. Like Shirley and me; married, kids, the whole nine yards, ya know."

"Agreement? With Ranger?"

"Well not so much an agreement as a truce. After the fire at the bonds office Joe figured that maybe you would think about, you know, changing careers. He had a talk with Ranger and told him that he planned on asking you to marry him and that it was time for Ranger to back off."

"What did he say?"

"Don't know. Joe wasn't too happy with the reply. He just said it was better than nothing and that he'd just wait until you came around to his way of thinking. Those two sure had a strange relationship."

I didn't want to rush Gazarra out the door, but I needed time to process what I just heard. I was thinking up some excuse about having an appointment at the hair salon when his radio went off and he was out the door on a call.

After Eddie left, I paced. I was angry at my self for not killing Colon when I had the chance. I was angry at Ranger for taking on a vendetta that was clearly mine. I was _furious _that my future life had been a matter discussed without me!

I'd known Morelli my whole life. At some level I always pictured me as Mrs. Joseph Morelli. But the picture always had smudges on it. He wanted a housewife and mother. The mothering I think I could do. I've had practice with Rex and Bob Dog. The housewife part, well I guess I could learn. Inside I knew I would hate it. The sex part was unbelievable! However kids running around would take a lot of the spontaneity out of it. Me, being a bounty hunter was always off the table. Joe didn't want me working on anything but starting a collection of little Morelli's. I still wanted to fly of the garage roof. Mothers aren't allowed to do that. I watched my mother try to come out of her cocoon every now and then. It's almost impossible for her. I had more fear of failing as a wife and mother than I had of getting shot and killed as a bounty hunter. I should seek counseling.

I wondered if they had already had their little talk when

I agreed to try one time with Joe. I thought it was _my_ idea. I even talked to Ranger and had given him back his keys. Joe and I had worked through a lot of the problems we had with my job and our mutual commitment fears. We talked marriage and decided to plan on something in the coming year. I finely got my ring, much to Grandma Bella's joy. We just couldn't make that final step. And then it was all blown apart…. His life, my heart, our future.

But this...this…agreement! What the hell was that all about! There was only one person who knew the answer. And he had just killed for me.

**CHAPTER 5**

I called Ranger's cell. It had taken me a week after Costanza's visit to work up the courage. I was angry that my personal future was discussed without me and I was curious as to how it was discussed. And then there was the why and so much more in between.

"Do you have time later today? I really need to talk to you about something."

"Sure. Now or can it wait till tonight?" I noticed the absence of the word "Babe". I don't know why but it made me angrier than I had all ready worked myself to.

"Would seven o'clock be OK?"

"You still have your key, come right up. See you then." And he hung up. Still no "Babe".

Seven o'clock on the dot I was at the apartment door. Before I could knock on the door, Ranger open it. He smiled a polite smile, not even a 50 watter.

"Would you like some wine?"

"No, I don't want wine. I want answers." In my mind, I envisioned an adult conversation. In actuality I sounded like a raving maniac. "I want to ask you why you gave up on me and let Morelli win. I wanted you to know that I wasn't ever going to marry Joe, and it wasn't because of you!" I had fortified myself before arriving at Rangeman with the remaining Jack Daniels in my closet.

"What part of that last statement do you want to discuss and what part do you just want to yell about?" He was so damn in control. Well I wasn't done yet!

"I didn't marry Morelli because of _you_. I didn't marry Morelli because of _ME_! God knows, I tried to _want_ to! Morrelli tried to change too. He tried to understand my choices. He was always protecting me from myself. I know I frustrated the hell out of him! I could see in his eyes that he hoped that with enough time I would come around. He was patient and loving, and I will miss him always. But it doesn't change the fact that the two of you had no business planning _my_ future!

For all its miseries and blown-up cars and threats, in some sick way, I love my life! I'm not the best bounty hunter; but I'm getting better at it every day. I _like_ making a difference. I _like_ doing a job not too many people can or will do. I don't care if you laugh at me. I get the job done! I do it! Me! It's _my __life_!_I_ decide what's right for me. Not _you_. Not _Morelli_. ME!"

I was out of breath. I was yelling and realized that I was shaking all over. I guess the plans for a cool-headed adult conversation were out the window. I certainly scored high on the drama-bitch meter, however.

All this time, Ranger never moved. His face showed absolutely no emotion. Not anger… Not humor… Just a penetrating stare.

He looked down at the floor for a long moment and gave a long deep sigh.

"All right" he said as he pushed away from the back of the couch. His voice was very controlled. "I am going in there"; nodding his head toward his bedroom suite; "and take a shower and go to bed. You can go through that door and join me, or go through that one"; looking at his apartment door. "Just know this, which ever door you choose - there's no turning back." His eyes were set and determined. He stared into mine and I swear the back of my brain burned.

Ranger turned, walked into the bedroom and shut the door. I was alone, standing in the middle of his living room. I realized I was totally alone. "Who needs any of this?" I said under my breath and headed for the foyer and the door. I took the RangeMan key fob out of my coat pocket, looked at it and dropped it in the silver tray on the credenza.

**CHAPTER 6**

Five minutes later, I joined Ranger in his shower. He had his two hands against the wall, letting the force of the water run from his head down his back. I slipped between him and the wall. "Babe" he said softly and took my face in his hands and kissed me.

Ranger turned off the water and wrapped me in one of his luxurious towels. He picked me up effortlessly and carried me to his bed, laying me down gently as if I would break. His kiss was strong and gentle at the same time. Our hands explored each other. I touched his face, his chest and ran my hands down his amazing arms. I kissed his face, his chest and before I could go any farther I felt him enter me. Forcefully. Intently. Claiming me for his own. I gathered him tightly to me and we prepared for the ride of our lives.

We rested for a while and he kissed my neck just like he had done the only other time we were together. A soft kiss followed by a gentle tip of his tongue, followed by another feathered kiss. Slowly the kisses traveled to my shoulders then breasts. He held me at my waist and moved lower. When he reached my pubic bone I thought my heart was coming right out of my body. The kisses to my thighs made my honey spot burn. When he reached my doda I was already on my way. He put his tongue inside me and licked me until I stopped spasming.

Ranger looked up with a smile. "Sweet".

He slid up next to me and I rolled on top of him. We were both smiling but hadn't really spoken. I couldn't believe that even after two wonderful orgasms I was still hungry for more! A year without sex can make you pretty damn hungry!

We kissed long and hard. The taste of our kisses was a mixture of me and him and us. They got stronger and harder and more frantic. And that's when it started. Dueling orgasms! We'd rest a little, change positions and see who could make the other come. I was like a rabid rabbit. I couldn't get enough. At one point, I'm pretty sure that I technically raped him. Night turned into day. I don't know how long we explored each other. It finely stopped when we both lapsed into unconsciousness.

I woke up entangled in Ranger. He was looking down at me and smiling. "Babe, we need to shower" he laughed softly. I looked around. There were no sheets on the bed. No pillows. We were lying sideways across the mattress, with our heads facing the bathroom.

"There's a problem with that" I smiled back. "If _we_go take a shower neither of us is coming out of there alive"

We both laughed and sat up.

"I'll go first" He volunteered.

I could hear the shower as I lay back down. "Stephanie, what have you gotten yourself into?" I asked myself. I couldn't stop smiling so I guess it was good.

Ranger came out in a pair of sweats. I instinctively grabbed for a sheet on the floor and pulled it up to my chin. His eyebrows rose halfway up his forehead and laughed softly. I shrugged my shoulders and smiled. He shook his head and went to find coffee.

I walked carefully and slowly to the shower. Running a marathon might have been easier on my body. But I doubt it would be as satisfying.

The water felt sooo good. There were parts of me that were swollen to the point I might qualify as a virgin again. That wonderful shower gel almost got a tingle out of me, but all of my tingles were on back-order, at least for a little while.

I slipped on Ranger's wonderful plush terry robe and headed for the kitchen. I needed coffee and food. Somehow I had worked up a tremendous appetite!

**CHAPTER 7**

When I got to the kitchen, coffee was in my cup and toasted bagels were on the plate. I was too embarrassed to ask if Ella had brought them in earlier. I just knew it was food and I was famished!

Ranger was sitting at the dining room table. He looked over his coffee cup and smiled that gorgeous smile of his. "That was quite a _discussion_ we had last night. Should we schedule another?"

I joined him at the table with my coffee. "Sure didn't turn out quite the way I planned."

"Didn't turn out the way either one of us planned."

"Have things changed between us?" I said in what I thought was a flip remark. The answer surprised and scared me.

"In a big way, Babe. Life just got as complicated as hell for both of us."

Before I could say a word, he continued.

"I gave you an unfair ultimatum last night. I wasn't expecting to hear the things you said; and for the first time in a long time I gave up control of the situation. I put you in a no-win position and I'm sorry."

To say that I was confused at this moment would be the world's biggest understatement. Was he sorry we made love last night? Was he sorry I didn't leave like I had threatened? "I made my choice. I did what I wanted to do. You didn't force me to choose." My heart was beating so fast I thought he could see it through the robe.

"Last night, while I was in that shower, my body and my heart were aching for you to join me. My mind was praying that you had the common sense to walk away."

"Common sense! Me! Boy, were you pushing it." We both smiled and the tension eased a little.

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me. Some of them are not too pleasant. You need to know some of them now so that you can make an intelligent decision.

I cannot give you the kind of love you need or deserve. My first obligation is to, and all my attention goes to keeping RangeMan a successful business. You will always come second to that. This won't change until I am ready to walk away from the business and that is no time soon."

I opened my mouth to speak but one look from Ranger and I just sat back and held tight to my cup.

"The problem is that I am very possessive of all my personal property. As my lover; you will be my _very_ personal property. I don't like other men wanting you or touching you. If you think I was protective before, you have no idea what's to come. You can't move in here. It would wreck havoc with the men's morale and weaken my authority. I've put together the best team I can; but it's held together by an iron fist. Jealousy from either side would cause big problems. I can't join you in you apartment. I need to be here. How fair is that: you're all mine but I'm not all yours?"

"Yes, but…" I tried to say. He shook his head and continued.

"A good part of RangeMan income is from installed security systems. The other sources are more difficult to define. We do a lot of contracted work for different government agencies. It brings in mega dollars but in some cases it comes with big risks. If you are seen with me it puts you at risk too."

"How, I'm not part of RangeMan?"

"It doesn't matter. You're part of me. When I was in the Special Forces, I was trained in some special skills. Those skills and the connections I made during that time helped me to develop this business. There are times those skills are needed to eliminate … serious problems…others don't want to be tied to. They pay me huge money to make some decisions that they don't want to make. I'm sure you figured out that some of these jobs result in killing. I don't enjoy it. I try to avoid it. But sometimes there's no choice."

My thoughts flashed back to that night in the basement of RangeMan. The look on Ranger's face and the fear on Colon's. Fuller's words were again in my mind: 'Interrogation…assassination' "Are you a mercenary? An assassin?"

He didn't answer my question. That was an answer in itself.

"I didn't come around after Morelli's death because I didn't want to put you in danger. There's a long list of people who would be delighted to read my obit; those who hired me, and worry there is a trail to them, as well as friends of the 'missing'. When you were with Morelli, you were safe. People knew you were important to me, but Morelli was always there. I was safe too. I could watch you and protect you. To those looking for my weak spot you were just an incidental diversion"

I put the cup down and gave him a cold hard look. I could feel my throat tighten and my voice get hard. "You used Morrelli?"

"No. I was thankful for Joe. He genuinely loved you. He could protect you and you had a life with him. I was always attracted to you. I realized a long time ago that I loved you. That was the worst thing that could happen to either of us. There are times when being distracted could be deadly. Let's face it you are a wonderful but dangerous distraction. I always told you that there was no future for us; that one day you would have to leave my bed. It could only cause trouble and could get one of us or both of us killed if I allowed you to stay.

Getting married will never be an option for me. Marriage requires public documentation. Information that is easily accessible by anyone looking for a weak spot or revenge. You know that. You've done enough background checks. Being with me will make you a walking target. I can't function at my best worrying about you. It will jeopardize both your life and mine."

"Who's talking marriage?" The term 'personal property' had come up before. Somehow that seemed longer termed than marriage.

"I can offer you only one day at a time. That isn't fair to you, and it sure makes my life a hell of a lot more difficult. Babe, I gave you an unfair choice. You didn't know the whole story and I won't hold you to it now. You can leave any time you want. I'll still keep you safe. You can have a real life. I just ask that you keep what I just told you to yourself."

I sat there for a good minute and looked deep into his eyes. They weren't smiling or playful. They were intense and focused on mine.

Funny how it can take you hours to find the right shoes and mere seconds to make life changing decisions. No marriage in any future. No children. Having a lover who disappears for weeks at a time and one day will probably disappear for good. Always having some sort of bodyguard around. A million questions from family and friends. Yet there was only one answer.

I got up from my chair and walked over to Ranger. I stood in front of him for a moment then straddled his legs and sat on his lap. I held his face in my hands and kissed him, gently. "One day at a time with you or an eternity without you. Some choice. Until you're over me and toss me out you're stuck with me. Deal with it"

He touched my cheek with his fingers and brushed a strand of hair back behind my ear. "Babe, I will never be _over_ you. I will never lie to you. I will never cheat on you. And for as long as I am alive I will love you. That's the best I can promise." His kiss was long and tender.

He stood, holding me around my waist. I wrapped by legs around him and, Lord, help us! We headed for the bedroom again.


End file.
